Been a rough couple weeks. Hurt myself. Ok maybe that is an understatement. I guess it depends on your definition of hurt. I tore my meniscus in two spots, am unable to bear much weight on my left leg and am facing knee surgery. Not to mention the cartilage is worn down to a point where I was told I will need knee replacement in the future. Stupid sports injuries from high school and a recent couple missteps to throw my whole world into chaos.
Believe it or not, I'm not all that upset about it. Those kinds of things don't really get me. I don't like being helpless and I'm not always mindful of how much I should take it easy but I'm ok. My only sadness is that I had to quit a job I loved. Recovery will take several months with physical therapy and surgery.
What has been the most difficult is how H is dealing with it. I'm a whiner. He reminds me he's hurting too because he works physically hard at work every day. Stuff like that. I called him out on how critical he's been and he left the room mad. Whatever. He might be better with me but he's still an ass to others. My daughter is living with us to help me out and I'm so grateful. I hope he doesn't scare her away with his attitude.
So what am I going to do when I'm stuck off my feet at home and not in physical therapy? Well first thing is work on my tan! :) Second, k came over today and we are going to do it more often again. I'm also going to work on chord sheets for the team but what I'm most looking forward to is time with God.
I need to get back to a place of strength with Him. I'm allowing myself to be manipulated and controlled again. I'm weak in my own flesh. I don't know how to care for myself. But He does so praying a lot and reflection and blogging. Getting to the core of issues, letting go of bitterness and resentments. Being ok with my sadness and tears. Putting fears to rest. Yay! Even though before I thought I wasn't making much progress, I realize I was moving in the right direction opposed to not having time to move at all. See, this is a blessing in disguise. Life is good!
